MY DRAMA TWEENS

HOW TO DE-CRUSH YOUR CRUSH

Drama Tween/Teen Dilemma:
Girl has a secret crush on Boy (who always compliments her)for the longest time. Everyday, Boy finds opportunity to speak with the Girl hinting that he wants to ask her out. One day, Girl found guy flirting with  girl in Red- -Girl thinks, that's okay  but by noon Girl saw Boy flirting with girl in Pink ...and one hour later in class, flirting with girl in Yellow. By 3 pm at the bus stop - - Girl saw Boy hand in hand with girl in Green (apparently the real girlfriend). Is his attention towards our drama tween an act?

IF I AM THE DRAMA TWEEN/TEEN:  

I had this same situation when I was 15 and If I am 15 now, I will ask myself if I want to be with a guy who has the tendency to get distracted with so many girls while I am not with him.

I used to hang out with 3 diva girls in our village. We never gave our moms headaches as our focus of attention evolves around fictional character from movies (Karate Kid, Hardy Boys,Top Gun etc). However, things changed one summer time, when  ugly boys that our brothers hang out with suddenly morphed and became like hunks overnight...specially one boy whom we shall call "Mr. TROUBLE".

So what do you think happens?  Diva 1 seeks guys attention, Diva 2 tried desperately hard to be cute, Diva 3 played the mysterious girl and I have no tricks left to get his attention as my Diva buddies are more proactive than I am  (No biggie as I love reading books than going out at that time). So what do you expect - - we all try to be cute!

The problem is:  Mr Trouble played us all so well! Asked Diva 2 to a dance party on Friday, asked Diva 1 for soda at the corner store, talked  with Diva 3 for hours on the phone ....FUN? Until the big diva convention on a weekend and we realized that Mr Trouble is the main event in all our lives. So what should I do as I also have a big crush on Mr. Trouble? NOTHING!  I want to do something- -but what are my options? Uhhmm..Lose my friends, pursue his attention knowing that he will hurt me, fight for his time until he lose interest and find another girl or finish my book and get advance points for summer reading!

We tend to like people who reciprocate our feelings and we tend to hang out with friends who will protect our best interest. In this case - -de-crushing Mr Trouble was simple - i just avoided him and focused on learning a new skill  that summer (cooking class) - Remember the OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF LOVE technique?

Anyway, having a crush does wonders for our ego: Since we make an effort to look good physically and mentally for another person - -we tend to release positive energy that attracts other people to respond positively towards us! So enjoy - - have 50 crushes! Just learn how to de-crush when you're done okay?

DID I SCARE HIM AWAY?

Drama Tween/Teen Dilemma:
Boy says hello in the library, walks with Girl in between classes, waits in line with the Girl in the cafeteria BUT totally ignores Girl when he's with friends. Days passed when they will hang out for 5 minutes(same pattern - library, hallway, cafeteria) - - Then all of a sudden  Boy acts as if Girl does not exist! Did I do something wrong?

IF I AM THE DRAMA TWEEN/TEEN:

I can still remember that  bad feeling !

IF you have already gone through the list of what you did and cannot  formulate a theory for his behavior...including  going through the grooming checklist (did I use deodorant, mouthwash etc) or your "Ms. behavior list" (Did I said something that will  turn him off ) - ---then Girlfriend...it's NOT you...It's HIM!

This type of sudden change of behavior  baffled me! The mistake I made when I was a teen  were:

a. I spent hours in my room wasting my time thinking of aIl the WHAT IFs in the world

b. I bugged my diva friends (justifying how attractive I am and it's his loss for ignoring me)

c.  I  ask anybody (yep, strangers too!) about what they think of the situation. ..and every time I do that, I get different answers and ended up being more confused!

d. I wasted my time waiting, waiting and waiting that he will hang out with me again!

Oh Yeah! Guys are difficult to understand - THEN and TILL NOW! One thing I learned is that...they are more nervous than girls ! That sometimes, even if they want to approach a Girl , if their nervousness (or insecurity/ shyness) hits them first - - they will turn the other side....and pretend that they are cool and acts as if they didn't see you specially in front of their friends! So do not ever think there's something wrong with you and bring that sunshine glow back in your eyes!

If I am in your shoes, I will continue my day and not expect that he will catch up with me. If the guy like me -- in his own time I know  he will approach me . If that happens,  I will cross the bridge to decide IF I like him or I DON'T. For all you know..you may not like him anyway! For now, wear a bright shirt and enjoy the company of your diva friends!

SHOULD I LET HIM CONTROL ME?

Drama Tween/Teen Dilemma:
Let's make this simple: Boy and Girl going out. Boy starts telling Girl what to do.  Boy monopolizes Girl's time. Boy gets mad if Girl will not follow him. Girl starts sneaking behind Boys back to see other diva friends. Boy found out and suddenly broke up with the Girl.  Girl tries to reason out....and boy will not respond!

IF I AM THE DRAMA TWEEN/TEEN:
I will ask myself ...What's with the control issue?  Is he suffocating me in this relationship to the point that I feel I am being grounded all the time?

The beauty about being a teen is you are discovering yourself through various experiences! And when I say experiences ..it comes from your interaction with  different groups of people (friends, classmates, boy friends, girlfriends ).

If a Boy ask you to be with him, this doesn't necessarily mean that you will turn your back  from your friends. How many stories have we heard that a diva girl  isolated  her friends once she has a boyfriend - - -only to lose the boyfriend after 3 months. The end result, bye bye boyfriend with no diva friends to console her!

I say this then and I say this now! Boys come and go..but great friends are hard to find! So, try to balance your time and do remember that there's a time for everything! If  you have a controlling guy who not only tells you what to do...but prevents you from doing what you love most ..then is it about time that you should ask yourself if he is worth your time?

CAN I TRUST HIM AGAIN?

Drama Tween/Teen Dilemma:
Boy and Drama Tween has been going out for more than a year. Boy lied to Girl once and she forgave him. After a few months, Boy lied again ...Girl cried but forgives. This month, he lied again...what do you do?

IF I AM THE DRAMA TWEEN/TEEN:
This is serious! I will need to go deeper on the rationale why he is doing this?  Does he wants to hurt me OR Is he such a coward that he will not tell me the truth, thinking that I will never find out?

A good relationship needs a solid foundation to last the test of time! If you cannot trust him on small things ..how can you trust him on BIGGER issues?

You need to seriously confront the guy and let him know how you feel.  DO NOT create a fight but let him know that you do not appreciate being lied to ..in the same way that you will never attempt to hurt him by lying to him!

Hear him out! OPEN your Ears! Did he lied because he is afraid that you will not understand him? Did he lied because he is hiding something from you? Whatever the reason is...you be the judge if he is worth the pain you are enduring right now! CAUTION: If he lied once and you let it go...he will lie again, and again and again....!

SHOULD I CALL HIM IF HE DOESN'T CALL ME?

Drama Tween/Teen Dilemma:

This is classic! Boy meets Tween Girl, Girl likes Boy, Boy and Girl going out for a year and suddenly Boy stopped calling! Here's what happens next .... Girl panic, called other tween friends, Girl cry, Girl texted Boy...no answer..Girl cry....now what? Should I call him?

My Dear  Drama Tween: D-O-N-T! DO NOT even attempt to send him a single line text (like wassup!). I know you miss him, I know your world is falling apart when he's not around you ... but PLEASE! DO NOT CALL HIM! NOT TODAY!

IF I AM THE DRAMA TWEEN/TEEN:

I will wait for him to call me! PATIENCE ! There are occasions where the boys want to have bonding time with  other boy dudes! The last thing you want is to scare him away because you act like a pscyho stalker haunting him even in his dreams!

You need to relax, chill..and call your drama tween divas and watch a movie instead! Wait for 3 days with no emails, no myspace chat, no nothing from you. Chances are, because you are nowhere to be seen and heard, this boy will soon wonder "WHAT IS SHE UP TO?" and will soon panic that  he may have lost you!

Sometimes,  we need to give a little space to the boy we like so he will see how valuable you are to him! Again, DO NOT CALL and DO NOT start eating chocolates !  He will call you back pretty soon and when he does --act cool...and just pretend that you are not waiting for his call